This has been a long time coming. I have been growing closer and closer to be able to write this post, and now, it is the time.
Many, if not most women struggle with ‘body image’ issues to a varying degree and for varying reasons, at sometime in their lives. This post is not to address those reasons, though I could and would be so willing to sit with you and help you discern some of them.
Nope. This is about Healing. Freedom. Wholeness. I have been incredibly blessed to be married to a man who has loved me and my body NO MATTER WHAT, over the years. With a belly that has been stretched to full capacity nine times. With breasts that have nourished nine babies for many months at a time. It hasn’t mattered, he has loved, accepted and adored ALL of me, no matter how much of me there was. Some women are not so fortunate. I am so sorry for that, it breaks my heart.
But even with all this lovin’, it wasn’t until now that I can say that I actually love and am so proud of my body. The cool thing, to me is, I am still a long way away from what my ‘goals’ are for my body. I always thought it would happen once I was at what I thought was my ‘ideal’. Funny, because the last time I was ‘skinny’, I still wasn’t happy with my body! I wanted more, because it was NOT about what my body looked like, it was what and how I felt about myself. It’s an inside job, ladies! If you think you will be ‘all better’ once you lose your weight, you might be deceived.
I no longer look in the mirror and hate what I see! I not only DON’T hate it, I actually am really enjoying what I see. I find myself, and please don’t think me strange, but I actually find myself feeling my muscles, or curves and actually LOVING it.
A picture from a few months ago, that before now, I would have never shown anyone.
I am frequently asking Brian to feel this or that, which he is happy to oblige. When I used to look in the mirror while working out, I would divert my eyes. I would look, but not really look, if you know what I mean. Now I look with absolutely NO disgust, distaste or negative feelings. I think, ‘wow, I am looking good’! Or, I am able to focus in on some of my strengths. When I see what I perceive as ‘weaknesses’, I have no negative thoughts whatsoever!! It is just what it is and I am so okay with it. More than okay, confident, happy, and love it!
Folks, if you have ever struggled with this, if you still do, you know how incredibly HUGE this is, right? This has been my desire and goal and what I know would be ‘right’ thinking for years and years! It has most definitely been a journey, one with ups and downs and even getting lost at times.
I have spent years practicing ‘thanksgiving’ for this body, even when it was the last thing I was actually feeling. I knew it in my head, and I practiced til it was in my heart.
Standing in front of the mirror and chanting, ‘I love my body’, is NOT the answer. True acceptance and loving oneself has got to come from a place of recognizing and walking in the perfect love and acceptance that the Father has for us. It is so much more than chanting empty words. It is healing and deliverance and freedom, and that can only come from HIM! So incredibly thankful for this!! Praying for you to find healing, spirit, mind and body!! If you would like prayer or to share your heart, please always feel free to message me privately.